The Monkey On My Back - Part Two

OK - sorry for the delay.  I got distracted by life...you know that thing that happens to inspire us to write? 

The second monkey as I mentioned before is all about baby.  This is most definitely a woman driven monkey.  Slap a bow on the ape and call it Shirley because men do not pressure other men to have a child. 

Again - such disparity.  Why? 

Which one is right?  Even though a woman myself, I believe the man is right in this instance.  Oh how we do not need another bit of pressure put onto our new marriages.  

But then I look at the high rate of infertility and I have to wonder... are we waiting too long???

I started trying to have a baby at 21 although I secretly longed for one at 16.  I felt it would be the ultimate rebellion and God blessed solidification of the relationship I was in.  I wanted to be an adult.  I was insane, completely and utterly insane. 

I mean truly how would I have handled a baby at that age??? NOT WELL. 

Even my deepest desires did not change my inability to conceive.  Strike that, my husband and I's inability to conceive.  Oddly enough the same man I started trying with at 16 was the man I finally ended up pregnant with at 28. 

Since that time I have had someone in my life at every moment that was experiencing infertility.  A neighbor, friend, acquaintance, friend of a friend, family member, etc. 

Oh my, once again I digress.  The issue at hand is the pressure to have children.  Obviously in my case waiting had nothing to do with my infertility however I know that is the case in some instances.  So maybe we should have babies when we are young, maybe not. 

In this matter I am truly a God focused person.  The rest of my life I live in the grey - but on the topic of childhood I stand on the side of God.  I fully trust that he gives life no matter the way, reason, or vehicle.  So who are we to try and control such a magical thing?  Well, we are human and that is what we do. 

Wow, sorry for the ramblings on tonight.  I am not speaking of IUI or IVF which I have done in my life.  I am talking about the pressure of it all. 

Why must we feel the hurried rush?  Is is adding to our infertility?  They say stress makes a difference, that type A personalities have more trouble.  If this is true then shouldn't we leave well enough alone?  Ha, easy to say but impossible to do.

So after monkey one and monkey two what happens??  Everyone stops bothering you to get married and instead of asking for baby they are cooing over your newborn but what comes next for you?

This is where I lost myself.  In the aftermath of those two monkeys.  I think that is where a lot of us lose sight of who we are.  Because as women, nothing else is supposed to drive us, we are to be content to be a wife and a mother even with the leaps and bounds of our woman predecessors.

For me at least I had to sit and wonder what my place was in this life outside of family.  I wanted to figure out how I was to make an impact on this world beyond giving birth and loving a man.

Do I know the answer?  No.

But the monkey on my back now is self-imposed.

I'll shut up now, thanks...