Why I will never become a famous writer

Grammatical and spelling errors aside, there is another reason that I will never become a famous author and the word used to describe it is guts. Yep, plain old fashioned guts, courage, or balls. Call it what you like unfortunately when it comes to putting it in my "real" writing all that I have goes missing.

I used to keep a journal. My deepest darkest secrets would be recorded there hidden away but also vented through my creative art. I believe this helped keep my mental state in check and when utilized correctly also kept all of my embarrassing items secret. Unfortunately I stopped doing that and started keeping everything bottled up inside. There it would remain for hours, days, weeks and even months simply lying dormant but balanced on my self created teeter totter. Just one extra emotional ounce in any direction would send me either flying up or crashing down.

So why then did I stop writing my journal if it helped me manage all that was going on in my life?

1. Age - I started to wise up to the fact that people could find and read my journal whenever they wanted.

2. Type of secrets

3. Time - Really between work, kids and a husband time became a big constraint.

4. Fear - that someone would read them and judge me.

In my opinion a true creative genius takes their struggles and allows them to feed their art. I wish I could do that. To be so un-afraid and free is most definitely my true calling but I just cannot seem to get past my good ole christian guilt and religion born mistrust.

I've written several novels none of which were gritty or real nor fantasy enough to engulf the reader. I guess to be me, and write with any honesty I would need to be anonymous. Should I adopt a pen name and write the novel inside of me that I know is there?

I'll shut up now thanks...